A Doctor's Visit and A Somber Remembrance

I had my first appointment with my new doctor today. I liked him and his office staff was much friendlier than my old doctor, so all and all I'm pleased with the changeover. Thanks go to Stephanie for the referral! He said everything looked good. Riley went to the office with me and even he smiled as we listened to his younger sibling's heartbeat. The heartbeat was very fast and very strong - and as always brought tears to my eyes.

I have an appointment for 4 weeks from now for an ultrasound and doctor's visit. Memaw and Grandad will watch our little guy and Ryan is going to sneak out of a training class to go. I'm sure Memaw wanted to go, but from the little pamphlet I read about their ultrasounds, the rooms are somewhat smaller than my old doctors and they have a restriction on how many people can go back. We may see what we can work out though... In the meantime, I'm thinking about doing another boy/girl poll in the four weeks leading up to the ultrasound.

Early this evening when Ryan went to play basketball with the UPS folks, Riley and I went for a walk and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I'd forgotten how much we both enjoy those walks since we've stayed inside lately to avoid the scorching temperatures. Riley stared down at his feet for the first few minutes. I'd put blue socks on him to keep his little feet warm. He's not used to wearing socks at all. Actually, he's really not used to wearing more than a onesie. I know he's going to be upset when the weather cools and he has to don long sleeves, pants and those dreaded socks.

As we walked, I reflected on today's date. This time six years ago, I was living in Washington DC temporarily for the job I had then. My most favorite job by far, I was a site coordinator for an electrical contractor, was paid ridiculously well for the little actual work I did, got to travel frequently, and was able to work from home when not on a job site. I had vacation days at will, but since I loved the job so much, I rarely took any time off. I did take Oaks day off to indoctrinate some Cincinnati folks to that sacred day though. And on Secretary's Day, my bosses took me to lunch at 11:00 and we discussed the next week's task over a pitcher of ice cold beer.

I loved being in Washington. I was never brave enough to venture downtown by myself. Although I had the utmost respect for the crew, they weren't exactly the kind of guys to go have a glass of wine or check out the latest martini bar with. But I've never minded having only myself for company and did explore Georgetown and frequent Baltimore's Inner Harbor. I made it out Annapolis, probably my favorite US city. I also managed to see a couple high school friends who lived near Philadelphia. I wish I had seen them more often since odds are I'll never be that close to them for any length of time again.

I had just gotten to work this morning six years ago and settled into my desk at the job site trailer when I tried to check my email and get started on my day. The job site was at a government bulk mail center. My internet connection only worked for a moment. I'd later find out why. I did see that it appeared a plane hit one of the twin towers. At this time, everyone still thought it was an accident - albeit a tragic one. At this time, no one knew or even suspected we were under attack.

With my internet not working and not knowing what I needed to do, I set out to find the site manager and see how the crew was doing. I grabbed my hardhat (yes, I had my very own hardhat and steel-toed boots), and headed out the floor. My boss and I were just heading back into the trailer a little later that morning when we heard sirens and an announcement over the loud speaker that the area was being sealed off. All employees and contractors had to have their badges visible. Anyone who could not produce a badge would be escorted off the premises. My cell phone rang shortly after that and a friend of mine was on the other end frantically asking if I was okay.

When I told her I was fine, she blurted out that the Pentagon had just been bombed and the United States was under attack. Our job site was less than 5 miles from the Pentagon. I hung with her and told my boss, an ex-marine, what was going on. He set his jaw and told me to stay close by. I think his old military training came back full force and he went into some sort of protective mode.

We gathered the crew, mostly a bunch of "good 'ol boys" from the South and Midwest. Shortly after that, I made my exit. My car and credentials were searched upon leaving the postal installation, and on my way to the hotel I'd called home for several weeks, I listened to the radio in disbelief. Scores of military vehicles, ambulances, fire trucks and police cars hurriedly passed me racing towards the pentagon. The radio announcer was saying that several places were under complete lock down and shut off to the public including the FBI headquarters in Langley, the Naval Academy in Annapolis, and of course all of Washington's government buildings and landmarks.

As I approached the turnoff to my hotel, I was stopped by a roadblock of Military Police. I'm not sure what else was on the road my hotel was, but apparently something that needed guarding. I showed my key card to the MP's and told them they were more than welcome to search my car. When I made it to my room, I grabbed a bottle of wine, though it was barely noon by this point, poured myself a glass, and turned on the news. I cried most of the day and decided to head back to Ohio. I had called my brother, also ex military, and told him of my plan and he advised to stay on main roads and to stay alert. No one knew yet what had hit us or if it was over. My parents thought I should stay. As I'd done many times before, I listened to their advice then did what I chose anyway.

Later that day, my boss called me and asked if I was staying. Looking back, I wish I would have. I let fear and my need to be with the familiar take over. I left like a thief in the middle of the night. As my Jeep rolled through Maryland then hills of Pennsylvania, I'd never seen so many crosses or American flags lit up against the black night. I made it back to Ohio about 10 or 11 hours after I'd started.

I visited Ground Zero about a year later. It was a sad and somber place. Flowers and pictures still lined the fence that surrounded the gaping hole.

Those events seem so long ago. My life was very different then and I had only me to think of. I wonder sometimes how I will protect my children from all the dangers of the world. I want them to live to the fullest. I want them to be able to explore and live the lives they want to live. I want them to understand safety and not my paranoia. But the fact remains that there are evil people in the world. I don't think I'm over protective, I just think I watch the news too much. By bringing a child into this world, the parent is bound to protect that child. It's a task no parent wants to fail.

As Riley and I walked, every once in while, I'd get beside him. He looked up at me with his big doe eyes and an uncharacteristically serious look. Then he'd stare again at the road ahead. I'd love to get into his mind and see what he thinks if only for a moment. Today, it looked like even he was in deep thought and reflecting on his baby life. Later though, after we parked the stroller in the garage and headed upstairs, I got a big grin out of him and some laughter before he went to bed. I love those moments.