Last night was a bad one for me and La Bean. We had all gone to the fair and a good time was had by all. After we came home, we just relaxed. But after a short time of being of at home, I suddenly felt awful. My belly was cramping and it literally floored me. I was doubled over in pain and had to lie on the floor. After just a few minutes of me writhing in pain, Ryan brought my phone to me and told me to call the doctor.
Unfortunately my doctor wasn't the one on call, but I was able to speak with someone very quickly. I explained that I had an eight month old and was 16 weeks along with number two. I told him that I didn't remember pains like this at all with my son and listed my symptoms for him. The first thing he said was that every pregnancy is different. So after answering a couple of his questions, he told me it was nothing to worry about - just round ligament pain. He said it was totally normal - and could be totally debilitating. The official advice was just to get comfortable and if it hurt when I moved, then I should stay still. When I asked how long I could expect it to last, he said without humor that it could last five minutes or five months. Not exactly comforting. But after only a few short hours, the pain abated and then was gone as suddenly as it came.
Ryan was very thoughtful and pumped me full of encouragement and advice. He stuffed pillows under my feet, all the while quoting one of my pregnancy books on the subject. He also told me a few more things from my pregnancy books like I should probably try to rest more when Riley is napping and put my feet up. Something about getting blood flow to my uterus. I nodded and told him I would. I think he reads those books more than I have.
Every once in a while, he'll have this cute grin on his face and say, "Did you know La Bean has fingernails now?" Or "Did you know she's doubled in size since a couple weeks ago?..." I think he really is excited about number two!
When I was pregnant with Riley, we went to new parenting classes together. I remember it was at one of the those classes that I got the best possible advice about motherhood that anyone could have given me. The nurse leading the class began her bits of admonition by saying that she wanted to address the mothers in the room. Hopefully I'll do her justice as I paraphrase:
No one will know your child as you do - or so you will think. Not even your own mother, who raised you. Suddenly even your own mother will be seen by you through the eyes of when you were a teenager: "nice lady, but she doesn't have a clue." Everyone will do things "wrong" in your eyes. They'll hold your precious baby the wrong the way feeding her the bottle. They won't change your sons diaper the way you do. The list is endless. But I caution you on one thing. Before you correct your husbands, cut your tongue out.
I saw other faces in the class register the same look of shock as I did as we all seemingly waited for a punchline. She continued on in explanation.
Your husband my dress your daughter in green pants and a purple shirt. He may not burp your son the way you do. So what? Those things don't matter. Let him have his own relationship with his child. The relationship will be different, as it should be. But different doesn't mean wrong. If you constantly correct every small thing your husband does "wrong", pretty soon, his interest in his child may start to dwindle slightly. He may begin to be hesitant to hold his child if every time he picks her up, you let him know that he needs to hold her like this instead.
The small things don't matter at all. What matters is the father-child bond that every child needs. So let him put a stripped shirt with polka dotted socks on your daughter if he wants. Let him hold your son as he finds comfortable. It's his child too. His relationship with that child is just as sacred as your own.
That made sense to me and I've carried that with me everyday. There have been times I've wanted to tell Ryan not to hold Riley that way as he feeds him. Or not to wipe his face the way he does. But that father-son bond is more important than those things. Far more important. I'm so grateful for the relationship that Riley and Ryan have. Riley loves Ryan so much. He lights up when Ryan walks into the room and follows him around like a puppy dog.
I'm so glad for all I learned in those classes, but honestly, what the nurse said on that night is the only thing I really remember.
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